Is Anger Only Negative?

Today I came to a weird realisation pertaining to anger.

Society teaches us that any actions in and created by anger is bad. It's considered a self-destructive trait that it will hinder us in our future life and for that very reason, our mentors tried their best to beat it out of us, never quote seeing the irony in that very action. It was because of this thinking I was surprised to discover anger isn't only to blame for the worst things in life, but also some of the greatest!

The best things in life...

How can I claim that not only was the worst done in life, but also the best? Simple. It's called history. In American History, Martin Luther King Jr. once said that he did get angry, but then chose to focus his anger on creating something positive. He shaped the frustration and anger of those that were oppressed and helped shape not only a fairer Nation, but a fairer world view. In my own country the heroes weren't men who took silent action or waited to act, but the outrage of the youth of a small town in South Africa. Their actions sparked the fire of passion in others, which ultimately lead to the fall of apartheid. It wasn't by patience or being submissive that these world changing events became real, no, it was by pure anger, focused and distilled into it's purest form that the world was changed forever.

I believe frustration and anger might have their negative aspects when unfocused or when misdirected, but I also believe that when focused and directed, it can have a positive effect as well. Anger is by definition passion, unfocused and untamed yes, but still passion in it's rawest form and to do away with our anger is to do away with our passion. Anger in itself can be a indicator that something seemingly unacceptable happened to us and we're reacting in a effect to protect ourselves. The down side of ignoring this instinct is that we end up accepting a lot of unacceptable things in our lives. It's by this very acceptance of the unacceptable, that we become victims of those amongst us that seek to profit from our fears or suffering.

Stop accepting the unacceptable

Many people in their pursue to live anger-free, ultimately ended up compromising so much on what's acceptable that they now accept even the unacceptable. The best cure for this is to allow yourself to become angry, just not express it unless you're sure what sparked it and toward whom. Anger is sometimes necessary and by not expressing it, you're allowing the unacceptable to happen to you and inviting others to do the same.

In high school, the kid that never fought back, was the one that always got picked on. I used to be picked on badly in high school, but like many, I bit my lip and never fought back and the bullying continued to a point that I nearly took my own life. Ironically, the day I stood up to them was the day they became like friends. I chose to focus my anger in to convincing them to the fact that I could laugh at myself. It worked, and they even ended up protecting me from others like them. The moral of that little story? Stand up for yourself, focus your anger in to something positive, don't put up with the unacceptable and do something about it!

I've only touched the basics on this, but the points I wanted to make was that anger can be used to create positive things in the world as well, not just the negative, that you get angry for a reason and that you should listen to that little angry kid in yourself sometimes. Anger is our passion raw and untamed, it's there to protect us, it's there to use to save us or to destroy us when we don't. Either way, the choice of how it effects you in your life is ultimately yours.

The Myths about sex

Sex isn't a quick-fix.

There is a lot of talk about sex these days and it does sell because we have a thriving sex industry, yet for some reason we forget to teach and be taught what sex won't do. I'm not talking about abstinence here, because I feel it's just as much to blame as anything else, but because we must examine these myths to move beyond them.

These myths are:
1. Sex is evil except in marriage
2. Sex will save relationships

1. Sex is evil except in marriage

I don't disagree with the idea of abstinence, but the main problem with this mentality is that people abstain from all forms of sex. This is dangerous in any form of abstinence and creates a greater risk of falling into the mental trap that society sets for us. This is also true of teaching our children that sex is evil, dirty or wrong. I believe the true solution to curbing teenage pregnancies is not by taking these extreme mentalities or by creating childish laws that forbid teenagers from even kissing, but to instead teach responsible sex.

Teaching responsible sex is a two way street, it requires us to be honest about sex and teach about it honestly. It requires us not to seek the easy route out of teaching our children, by forcing them to abstain nor to make them feel guilty or believe wrongly of sex, but to teach them what sex won't do and what it does do. It's about teaching the lighter side of sex too while allowing yourself to be human and to laugh about it.

2. Sex will save relationships

There are no quick-fixes in relationships and the worst thing you can do in self-destructing relationship is to have sex. If talking fails or your partner is putting pressure on you to have sex, know that right after you two have sex, the relationship is over. You'll either be to ashamed to face each other or finally realise that things truly is over. The simple reason being that sex can't fix something that's already broken.

Sex also won't change you or your partner. This seems to be what makes people believe that sex can save relationships. That by some strange magic that only sleeping together can generate, you and your partner will suddenly be different people. It's unlikely, even with months of therapy and won't ever make you feel better about yourself nor make your partner stay.

There are many more myths about sex, but ultimately by teaching responsible sex and understanding that sex isn't a quick-fix, we'll move beyond the current extremes while dealing with it. By advocating the truth about sex, we will find that our children will be more responsible regarding sex and hopefully they won't make the same mistakes our parents did with us.

How to breaking up and keep your self-respect

Break ups hurt.

This is a undeniable truth about break ups and it's the number one reason why most people avoid doing it. There are a lot of strategies out there that guarantee that you don't have to break the news and nobody would get hurt. Amongst them are the 'cut-out', 'make-them-hate-me' and 'ignore' methods. I'm sorry to say, with those strategies somebody will get hurt, but it's just not you. The price of cowardice while breaking up is that that person will be hurt more by your actions and ultimately lose their respect for you. This could also lead to others you never met feeling the same way about and finally bite you in the ass for something that happened years ago.

So how do you avoid that from happening?

1. Accept that Breaking up will always hurt

No matter how much you to plan around it, avoid it and run from it. It will always hurt. This however doesn't mean that this hurt is a bad thing that needs to be avoided at all costs. In fact it hurts less just to come out and just break up. Accepting of the fact that it will hurt makes thing easier when it comes to the time to facing the idea that it's really over. It's also puts you your mind at ease and allows you to identify why things need to end, which makes it easier to explain when the time comes to break up.

2. Do the Break up personally

No matter what other people say, the best way to break up with somebody is face to face or at least in some other personal way (like a phone call - but don't hang up after you told them!). There are a lot of tricks out there that says it's better to avoid them, make them break up with you by making their life hell, or just plain cutting them out of your life. It's not and only really helps you feel better while being devastating to the person on the receiving end. The best way is still to go to the person, tell them that you don't think things are working out, that you loved the time you spent together and that you think it's time for both of you to move on. It's hard to do, yes, but it leaves no question in the air like other methods and doesn't berate or embarrasses the other person in any way. It also allows the chance of friendship later in life between with your ex, where the other methods not only makes that impossible, it also gives you a bad reputation if done repeatedly. So own up and do it personally.

3. Be prepared for the post-dating relationship

Sometimes you may go back to friendship with a ex or have to work with them and having been in a relationship, this could feel awkward. The thing to remember here is that you will have feelings for this person and will always have some form of attraction to them. This isn't wrong and there is nothing wrong with it, just don't mistake it for more than it is, which is affection towards a friend.
Sometimes the break up may have gone sour or this person is really destructive to themselves and you. This best tactic with these people is to be civil, but with the ultimate aim to cut them out of your life. It's a cruel thing to do, but it maybe the best thing for you to do until, if ever, this person sort out their lives.

Relationships are hardest when they come to a end, but we always have a choice on how we end them. Nobody said it was easy or permanent. The best relationships are those friendships that can come from break ups, but the first step is to make this known. Don't put it off and do it personally and face to face, people will respect you more if you do.